Go ahead and fail

What is it about being a socialised adult that makes it so hard to fail? Exactly where and when did we start to believe that mistakes are bad and we should pretend to be perfect all the time? Well it doesn’t matter now really – what does matter is this dastardly notion that mistakes and failure are simply unacceptable? And therein lies the rub – ‘unacceptable’. No one wants to be without acceptance and we all strive to have those we love tell us ‘you are ok, just as you are’.

 

Raising children is a lot like making mistakes – all day long… We make mistakes as parents; little ones (losing your child’s favourite toy, forgetting its bake day at crèche, yelling a little too loudly after a long day) and we make big ones (forgetting a doctor’s appointment, not realising your child quite as sick as they are, losing the plot over something minor…). And that’s ok, because we beat ourselves up like pros.

 

It’s when we start to see our children’s mistakes as a sign that they are bad or wrong or even more ridiculous, ‘an example of our parenting skills’… that’s when the going really gets tough.

 

I recently interviewed a mom for a story and I asked my standard ‘what do you wish for your child?’ question… and believe me I’ve heard it all… until her response. Clear as day and without a moment’s hesitation she replied “I hope my children make lots of mistakes, because otherwise how else will they learn?” Yes, right… whaaaat? I had to stop my note-taking and look her in the eye and reply in a rather hushed tone, “You know, I have never come across that before, and you know, that’s about the best thing I’ve heard when it comes to parenting, like ever!”

 

OK – so she probably thought I was nuts... Her biggest and most profound wish for her children was something that I (and many other parents) want to avoid like the plague. We are supposed to ensure our children do only the right things. We are supposed to make sure they are safe (don’t mistakes increase the likelihood of serious bodily harm, statistically?). We are supposed to measure our worth as parents by the number of times our children succeed, not fail! Right? You with me?

 

No?

 

Because it is not meant to be that way at all is it? How can we expect our children to learn anything if they’re not allowed to make mistakes along the way? There is a reason that ‘learn by trial and error’ is a real life saying folks!

 

Well, I feel better now and instead of being the ‘mistake police’ I can be a mother, wife and person of the world. I can hang up my ‘judge and jury’ badge, kick off my shoes, and relax a little. That is about the best news I’ve had in a long time!

 

BY Loren Stow