He listened

 

 

Since his passing last night, I have been wracking my brain trying to figure out what it was that made Nelson Mandela so special. I was putting the kiddies to sleep when my husband jumped out of bed and asked me if I saw what was happening all over Twitter... No I hadn't seen, and together we switched on the telly and caught the last few moments of Jacob Zuma's address announcing that our beloved Tata Madiba had just passed away.

Since then the world has almost erupted, like there is a split down the middle, a gigantic hole from which rivers of condolences stream for the man that not only inspired a nation, but the world. Words like Peacemaker, Leader, Legend in the global civil rights movement... He is mourned and missed by everyone who is anyone the world over, and not just that, he is missed by ordinary people just like you and me.

What I haven't heard spoken about much in his eulogies was his profound sense of obligation to make the future better by empowering children - in South Africa as well as Africa as a whole. In terms of development, health care, access to education, even the simple things like having a parent (even just one), a warm place to sleep and enough food to keep their tummies from grumbling - Africa does not have the best track record. Our levels of child deaths due to preventable accidents is some 25 times higher than the United Kingdom for example, and our rates of foetal alcohol syndrome are the highest in the world (in some regions of the Western Cape as much as 100 times higher than the global average).

Nelson Mandela wanted to change this, and so he set up his Nelson Mandela's Children's Fund (NMCF) which raised hundreds of millions of rands to make a difference in the lives of children. He started the foundation with his own contribution - his prize money from winning the Nobel Peace Prize, and continued to contribute large portions of his monthly salary while in the presidency to the fund he was so passionate about.

I was recently given the opportunity as Features Editor of Mamas & Papas Magazine to write a cover story on the NMCF and learn more about the organisation and the man who founded it.

"Why did Madiba have the kind of affinity he did for children?" I asked, wondering why he didn't become a champion for jobs, or the environment or any other number of worthy causes. Why children? What I learned was that Nelson Mandela often spoke of how during his time on Robben Island he never once heard the sounds of children - obviously. No cries of joy or cries of sadness. No tiny voices or excited footsteps. No bouncing balls or clapping hands. Nothing. And, of course, he also missed raising his own children and sacrificed his life as a father in order to become the father of a nation that was decades away from being a reality.

Next I was told, in detail, about how Nelson Mandela had an express mandate - he wanted to hear the children's voices, he wanted to listen to them speak, he wanted to know what it was they needed instead of dictating to them what he thought they may need. He made it a priority to listen to children personally in order to really understand them. And as if that were not enough, his team understood and delivered on his request that all children be included - he didn't only want to hear from a certain kind of child, he wanted to hear the voices and see the faces of the black, white, coloured, indian, disabled and able children.

Heartwarmingly, I learned that when it came to including children with special needs at his annual birthday party - which was in fact a party his fund threw for a large group of children every year - he made it clear that there was to be no 'token' invites. Those children who had mobility challenges or cognitive challenges, they were not be to be relegated to the corner and brought forward for photographers before being excluded again - Nelson Mandela simply would not have it. All children were to be included, sincerely, respectfully and with love.

And so, as I reflected on this today I realised that I had it! I finally know what I think made Mandela so special; what his 'secret power' was.

He listened.

I mean he really listened.

And from his profound ability to really listen to others sprouted the other qualities that made him an icon respected the world over, a person that a nation of people could refer to as father or tata. His ability to listen to others made him able to truly understand them, he was then able to meet the most fundamental human need - that of being recognised, of being heard - because that is one of our deepest desires isn't it? To really be heard and understood?

He could captivate a room because he was able to listen, to make every person in that room feel that they had been validated. And I believe from his ability to listen came his immense humility - he never pushed himself on others, he never forced, he respected others because he listened. He certainly did this with children, and I am sure he did the same with world leaders, politicians, kings and queens alike.

And so I realised that if I wanted to live Madiba's legacy perhaps the most important starting point for me is to talk less and listen more; by talking I simply share what I already know, but by listening I will learn something new everyday.

I could definitely listen to my children more. My husband would probably have a mini-stroke at the thought of me listening to him more! And it may just change the way that I interact with my family for the better.

And what if I really listened the next time I found myself at the check-out counter by the supermarket? What if I stopped and took the time to really listen? I may just change the way in which I interact with my community for the better.

And finally, what if I listened to myself? What if really listened to my own needs, my own dreams? What if I gave the little voice behind my fears and uncertainties a moment to shine and be heard? What if I stopped and listened to my tiniest voice? I may just change myself for the better.

So the way I see it - Nelson Mandela's super power was his ability to listen. To be still and listen. To listen to himself and understand that hate would only create more hate. To listen to his people and be the leader we so desperately needed in our fledgling democracy. To listen to the children whose lives have been forever changed by his Nelson Mandela's Children's Fund. To listen to himself again when it was time for him to move out of the public eye, despite the fact that we cried "Don't go! Please... what will we do without you tata?" He knew he had laid the foundation, and he had set the example - he couldn't have done a better job at that.

So will you listen? Can I promise listen? Can we all listen to the message he gave his life up for?

I think so.

Rest in peace Tata Madiba, I have heard you.

One of my absolute favourite pictures of Madiba